"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." -Jeremiah 1:5
When Joseph began to tell his family about the visions and dreams that God would give him, they would mock and taunt him, asking him if he really thought that he would reign over them. They doubted his calling, his visions and his worth. I was at a young age when I began to doubt my own worth, and I allowed people to tell me what I was worth, not what God was telling me I was worth. I started losing myself to what my mind was telling me when I looked in the mirror. I would compare myself to my younger sister, who in my mind was the image of perfection, only to later learn that even she had thoughts of self doubt. I let myself be guided by what the devil said I was worth, which was nothing. Unlike Joseph, I let what others said affect what I saw and believed. I grew up in a Christian home and was taught at a very young age that God had made me perfect and that he had a perfect plan for me, but as I grew I forgot that and allowed myself to believe that I was nothing.
Although Joseph was told by his brothers that he was crazy for believing that he was worthy of what his visions and dreams said, he was not discouraged. He continued to believe that God had chosen him for something and that there was a reason why he was given the dreams. He continued to believe even as a slave, knowing that God had a reason and a time. There came times where he would wonder why he was going through it, but when he listened to the voice of God he was reassured. Josephs belief led him to do great things for God and for his people. If he had doubted what God was telling him and listened to what others were saying, he would have never seen the plans God had for him unfold.
It took a long time and a lot of crying for me to realize that I was worthy of, not only every blessing that God was giving me but also Gods love itself. Every time I would look into the mirror I loathed the person staring back at me and asked God why he had made me the way I was. I let it get to the point that I let anyone do anything and say anything to me because I didn't believe that I was worthy of anything more. I believed that I deserved the worst and so I allowed other to treat me that way. Until there was a day that I had had enough and didn't want to feel bad about myself so I decided to fight. I fought my inner thoughts, what the enemy was telling me and what others would tell me. I found my worth in God and realized that if i listened and believed that he had made me perfect, that nothing could bring me down.
To whoever is reading this remember, God made you absolutely perfect. He knew who you were going to be before you were even conceived. He knew the impact you were going to have on the world and on others. He knew you were going to fall and sin and stray away and yet he deemed you worthy of life. He knows that you aren't perfect and that for as many mistakes you would make, he would forgive. He thought you were worthy enough to send his only son to die for you. Jesus hung on that cross as people laughed and spit and chanted for his death, yet begged God to forgive them, the same with you. He knew that he was carrying the sin you committed yesterday, today and tomorrow, yet believed you were worthy enough to shed his blood. If you forgot your worth just remember that God loves you, even with the knowledge that you will fail him and that you might not love him back.
If I could say something to my younger self and you its this, "Dont let your self worth be a reflection of the world because it is damaged and broken, instead let it be a reflection of God."